It is said you can only heal what you can feel.
Then how to breach a lifetime’s defence against experience that had been too painful to
acknowledge, to allow into conscious awareness?
Brick by brick.
Muscle fibre by muscle fibre.
You are sensing a vague unease? Look inside.
What is the feeling at this time?
'I am completely alone, abandoned. There is no support.'
Then ask:
'What is the experience of being completely alone, abandoned with no support?'
The response:
A silent strangled scream.
Now notice the sensations in your body that follow:
- tightened muscles around the throat.
Which sets off a cascade of sensation:
- Clenched jaw
- Tight shoulders
- Tension in the hip and the soles of the feet.
Observe this energy dance. Be present. And breathe.
Stay with the flow as you notice a subtle inner shift, a settling.
There is a vital ingredient necessary for this process to be productive.
It is gentleness, kindness.
Push too hard and it can back-fire; reinforce the negative experience rather than soften it.
Trust that by simply being present to this unfolding, present with a gently caring attitude, the innate intelligence of the body will let go what it is ready to let go of.
Then allow time, allow space for the nervous system to assimilate the changes that have occurred, for a new equilibrium to be established.
A few days later notice a subtle shift. Before there was a sense of pressure and overwhelm; the feeling that it’s all too hard.
Now there is lightness, opening to possibilities. What do I want to achieve today? What is the best way to go about it?
A little lighter. It is one or two bricks down.
Don’t get overexcited. There will be more to come.
For now, bask gently in this opening. Then be attentive to the moments when your body is telling you that it is time to pay attention to the inner disquiet once again.